August 27, 2009:
The moral of today's story is: lucky people
don't find half a cat.
Now, how we get to this moral is this.
Just this morning I was thinking to myself, "Gosh, it sure would be
easier to build my arm strength back up if I could still afford to
go to the gym." Of course, the secondary moral of today's
story is be careful what you wish for. Since I can't afford a
gym membership (or anything, really) I've been trying to walk at
least a mile every day and sometimes three... and today I felt
pretty good so I thought I'd try for three.
Well, I didn't even make one. I made it
almost to the footbridge by my house when I noticed that the hiker
and bicyclists ahead of my were turning their heads and making
faces, obviously disturbed by something. What they were
disturbed by was half a cat. Well, maybe three quarters.
This cat had been recently hit by a car (sometime in the last day, I
suspect) and then eaten by coyotes and dragged over onto the
footpath. I looked around, but nobody would even make eye
contact and I was pretty sure from past experiences in the
neighborhood that the city would not be taking care of this any time
I'd passed an apartment maintenance guy
working on a property two blocks back, so I trudged back and asked
if I could borrow his shovel and he agreed. I am not in good
shape right now, and this was a big cat... it probably took me an
hour to dig this hole. Sadly the cat had no collar and I
wasn't going to take half a cat and fifty yellowjackets to the vet
to check for a microchip, but later on I will post something on some
of the local pet boards just in case I can find the owners and let
them know what happened. Needless to say, I did exercise my
I felt pretty crappy after that, so I
scrounged up my last two dollars and walked up to the market to buy
an energy drink (my guilty pleasure, I was feeling really
crappy) and the cashier (a friend) greeted me with "How ya doin',
I fixed him with a scowl and grumbled, "Lucky
people don't find half a cat."
On a completely unrelated note, okay, maybe
a tad bit related, I've decided how I'm going to make my millions.
I need to find some way to make millions, since I'm obviously not
going to make them with this site... I've yet to see even fifty
cents so far, heh. Good thing the hosting is cheap.
Anyway, the television commercial for my product will start out with
a couple of very elderly ladies sitting at the kitchen table with
internationally flavored coffee drinks much like the guaranteed life
insurance commercials. The announcer will say something like,
"Nobody likes to think about what will happen when you die..." and
then one of the old ladies will say, "Sometimes I worry about Buster
(or Mittens, or Socks, or Princess)... who will feed him when I
die?" Then the other old lady will say, "Why, you will, of
course!" and hold up her jar of Julia Grim Pet Vitamin Face Cream.
This way, when you die and nobody cares and the cats eat your face,
at least they'll be getting good nutrition. Then the announcer
will kick back in with, "Pet Vitamin Face Cream... make sure your
pets get the proper nutrition even when you're not there to give it
to them. Except, of course, that you will be."